Insight
by subseeker
Summary: An experimental four chapter (1000 words, more or less, each chap) Rolleigns story. Insight into thoughts of the Shield-Boys about, what else, the "thing" between Roman and Seth.
1. Dean

Hey-hi!

My second attempt on Rolleigns and I hope you'll like it.

For those who don't like Dean that much (or not at all), please give it a try nevertheless ;)

Enjoy and tell me what you think, guys!

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**Dean's POV**

Quietness. The unsteady, tiny movements of the bus as it rolls down the streets. The dimmed lights in here, calming. The night is arriving outside. It could have been nice, all this, but it isn't. Instead it is heavily loaded with gloom.

Lately it is like this. Too often. Always. Almost. Out of various reasons.

One of them is the actual story-line. We are three massive egos, packed up into a group that works because we are so different and we have become friends over it. Good friends. I love them like my brothers and maybe it's just as things are between siblings. One day your love them, the next day you hate them but in the end, no matter what happens, your love for them grows a little every day.

But at the moment the story-line causes a tension between the three of us and it is a _very_ strained one, so strained that if you only listen close enough, you can hear it sing under the strain. We all don't want it to happen, yet it happens nevertheless. And one day it will snap. Sure, we're playing a tailor-made role out there in the ring, but to be honest it isn't only acting when we step into the arena. In a way we are what we play, and so the fights we have with one another on screen follow us when we step out of the spotlight and back into the real life.

And a while ago I thought it is the only reason why it feels that way, like you're waiting for a reason to bare your teeth and snap at those men you call your brothers. Why you keep a certain safe distance from them most of the time. But it isn't. It only took me some time to understand it.

The view I have from the back of the bus is perfect. Two meters away from me to the left there is Roman, sitting on his bunk with his legs stretched out and his arms crossed over his chest. He's watching... Seth. Who is lying on his own bunk further up in the front on the right. I know Seth has dozed off a while ago. I can hear him snore. Maybe an hour ago it had been the other way around. Seth watching Roman in depressed silence.

And they are so caught up in watching the other when they think it's safe, that they don't even notice _me_ watching _them_. It's a bit like my own personal daily soap.

Those two are the other reason why the mood between us has become... precarious. I'm not blind, I _see_ things. And this, gosh, even if I closed my eyes I would see it. And the very moment I became aware if _what_ I actually see there I had to sit down.

My two male, straight best friends who could have every girl they'd want... have a thing for one another.

And suddenly I realized that all the being worried and the caring about the other, the clinging, patting, touching, cheering and looking had changed, had reached another level with a different quality. But only with each other.

When it comes to me nothing has changed.

I admit I had been shocked. I mean, I never would have guessed that something like that could happen. Ever. For days I hadn't been sure what to think and how to feel about it. And at the beginning I thought that it would only be a temporary thing. But I was so goddamn wrong.

Over half a year now and they still haven't acted on it. It's getting stronger, that thing between them. Even I can feel it. More than obvious is, that they both suffer under the situation and they both can't handle the weight it puts on their shoulders, though if I had been in their situation, I know I would have broken down already. Huh, I can't really imagine how they must feel. I only can guess by what I see...

Instead of talking about it... with me at least, to get it off their chests... they hide their misery, trying to act as if everything is fine and withdraw from the other. It's almost ridiculous, the picture of two grown, strong and courageous men being afraid of their own feelings.

I feel sorry for them, really. It shouldn't be like that. Okay, at the beginning I thought that it wasn't _that_ serious, that it would be a thing of the past sooner or later and maybe I even hoped it, but now I wished they could be together. Be happy.

The expression on Roman's face is grave and melacholic, yet soulful. And heavy with sadness and affection. There is a sigh as he draws his knees up and braces his elbows against them, hiding his face in his hands. And my fingers itch to go over there and do something. I don't even know what, but _something_.

There are moments when I see him with Seth... touches to infinitely gentle that it tugs at my heart and that deep fondness in those eyes... the pure love lying underneath, carefully guarded... and I think that if God is merciful, that he'll send me someone like him.

And Seth... when they were close, he was practically glowing with... love... but not anymore, not like he used to. He holds back now. Still in every possible, safe moment he tries to be close to him. Tries to get his fill. Somehow. He had looked so goddamn sad while watching Roman...

Shit.

Scrubbing my hands through my face I groan quietly, shifting on my bunk and as my hands drop, my eyes show me something I rather wouldn't want to see.

Roman... wipes a tear away.

I want to move, turn around and away from the sight but I'm frozen to the spot for a long moment.

It pains me to see them like this, hurting, depressed, but _this_ now... Roman? Crying?

Eventually I can move again and do it, turn around and lying with my back to them.

The group will break apart in the near future. Fucking storyline... Yet maybe it will help to ease the tension between us if the group splits and we can go back to just being friends. But it is how it is and it will be me on my own and Rome and Seth going on as a team. The only question is: how will they go on together if they try so very hard to hide away from the other? Won't work. Nope.

If someone granted me a wish right now, I guess I would wish for them having the guts to finally talk to one another, because they only hurt themselves and each other and call me an egoist, but it would take the extra and unnecessary pressure this adds to our already strained friendship away. And I would feel better, too, because I have reached the point of not knowing what to do anymore. Being quiet and watch the misery? Because it's not possible to simply ignore it, not to mention that I don't _want_ to ignore it. They are my friends, my brothers and I friggin' love them, so no, ignoring is not an option. But acting on it for them...? For weeks, months even, I feel like walking on eggshells.

There is a soft sound behind me and I feel a touch on my side and when I look over my shoulder there is Seth, giving me a smile that is much too exhausted for my taste. I sit up and make room for him. He immediately climbs onto the bunk, scooting back into the corner of the left side of the bunk, where Roman can't see him and rubbing his eyes he exhales audibly, leaning his head back against the wall.

Maybe they can't see each other the way they sit now, but _I_ can see them and I have to close my eyes.

And a tiny and naive part of me hopes that when I open them again... everyhing will be alright...


	2. Roman

Here we go, part two.

I got something on my heart and it might get me bad comments, no comments at all or whatever, but I'm actually a bit sad… because lately it feels like either people got lazy leaving a few words (not meant as an offense, just noticed it) or I'm just not that good anymore. I don't know. I just mention it because - and I don't know if other writers feel the same - but reviews make me happy, because I spend lots of time on writing my stories.

So I want to send an extra big THANK YOU to those who left a review! :)

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**Roman's POV****  
**

I've never backed down from a fight. _Never_. And I haven't backed down from this one after I have realized what's going on, but a while ago I also have realized that I can't win it. No fucking chance.

Because I can't beat myself. I can't beat my _heart_.

It has been hard enough to admit to myself that my heart has decided to override my mind and go into business for itself, leaving me falling for the one person I can't have. Ever. There is an uncountable number of girls out there who wouldn't hesitate to say yes if I'd ask them for a date.

But no. No... that would be too easy, wouldn't it?

Shocked isn't even close to how I felt the very moment it dawned on me what is going on and I could have done without that epiphany. Really.

It is Seth. The one person I love... the one I'm _in love_ with... My my teammate, my brother. My best friend.

I'm not even bi, so how the hell can something like that happen at all?

Oh, I have tried to fight it. Hard. But it has been too late. At the beginning the changes have been too subtle to see I guess. We've always been close, tactile and worried about each other. Looking back I maybe should have noticed it earlier. The way it felt when I touched him has changed. From my _bro is okay_ and _we did it_ to _feels good_ and _I need to feel you, need more_. Having him close always leaves me nervous, causes my heart to run and stumble. It makes me feel giddy. And to see him smile... it makes me smile, too, like a lovesick school-girl.

And at the same time it hurts beyond words...

Fuck, that's not me... absolutely not... yet... I haven't felt something like this before. Never. In my whole life.

I'm angry about all this. About myself, because I have lost control over my emotions and the situation and that's something I don't cope well with. I mean, suddenly being gay and in love with my best friend? _What the hell...?_

In the beginning I had moments when I actually blamed Seth for it, because his sassy attitudes, his good looks and this body... fuck, the whole package... is tempting. I'm not blind. The only obstacles have always been that he is my best friend and a _guy_. But even at those moments I knew that it is not his fault. Shit, no, it is not his fault that his teammate has a thing for him. It was nothing more and nothing less than shoving the guilt to someone else... but myself.

Hearty laughter shakes me out of my thoughts for a moment and I turn my head just enought to get a glimpse at them without being all too obvious. Seth is laughing hard about something and his face is lightened up with bright amusement. His eyes are twinkling. It's a fucking beautiful sight and I love it and God knows I can't get enough of it. I wish I could just go over there and kiss him. But I can't.

And then I feel anger whisper in my guts as Dean throws an arm around his neck and pulls him close. The image causes a bad taste on my tongue, makes me feel sick to my stomach. He keeps holding him close, tousles his hair... I don't want him to touch Seth like this. Out there in the ring it's part of the show but... here, in our locker room it's much too intimate for my taste.

I'm not sure... but... lately Dean seems to be much too interested in Seth. Not that he wasn't before, but he... I don't know how to describe it. When he looks at him there is... more. It's different from how he used to look at him. And I'm torn between pitying him for being in the same miserable situation as I am and hating him for it, because if he's interested in Seht, he doesn't even have the decency to keep his hands off of him. Seth isn't... gay. Or maybe my mind is only playing tricks on me. But I can't help it, the ugly, green eyed monster is there and it's fuming.

Seth turns around to me, maybe out of the habit of looking if I'm laughing, too, but the very moment our eyes meet the beautiful laughter dies on his lips, dimming to nothing more but a tiny, all too tense smile before he looks away again and it cuts deep to see it.

I look away and sit down to tie my boot, my hair falling down to veil my face and it's good, because I feel that pain in my chest, that stinging, pulsating ache. It is there because I love him and I'm about to lose him. It feels like he has noticed _it_. And gosh... I already miss him.

He avoids being alone with me. He's never done that before. He barely looks me in the eyes lately and if he does, he looks at me... sad? Disappointed. And there is an emotion in his eyes I can't file. Guarded eyes, guarded face… that's how he meets me most of the time though. Or he looks away before one could even call it an eye contact. Outside the ring there are only brief touches left. It's like a switch being flipped the very moment we step into the backstage area.

I'm not better though. I'm unable to handle all this and thus I have started to stay away from him because I'm a coward who's being afraid that my secret might be revealed. It's safer to do that. When I don't look at him he won't see it, when I don't talk to him he won't hear it and when I don't touch him he won't feel it. It's as simple as that.

So much for the big man, the Power House of The Shield. A closer look and there is nothing left but a miserable coward.

Closing my eyes I allow my mind to drift off to a place I revel in at quiet moments, back to the times when things weren't that hard. Moments like when he jumped right into my arms because we made points during playing some basketball. He... he fits perfectly into my arms. Holding him feels incredible and so goddamn right... It always has. Moments when he fell asleep on the plane or in the bus, using my shoulder as his personal pillow. The scent of his shampoo, sweet and sunny vanilla. Hours of talking about anything and everything.

Vivid memories... I can even feel his touch on my face, can feel him holding my hand... his fingers in my hair and it sends goose bumps all over my body. I can hear him say my name in worry, in excitement and joy. I can hear him call me his man and it may sound silly, but I wanted... want to be exactly that. I want to be the one who is allowed to hold him when he's falling asleep and I want to be there when he wakes up and I want to spend every single minute with him, every damn day.

This man is perfection and he has become such a big part of my life that I don't even want to think about the moment this part will break away completely, leaving a hole that can never be filled. It will happen though, sooner or later.

Because I can't have what I want, what I need. I can't have him. And I don't know how to go back to that easy friendship we have shared before all this...

So what will be left is a tension between us that grows until it chokes us and it will crash what is left of our friendship under its weight.

With a silent sigh on my lips I straighten up just as he walks over to his own locker, meeting my gaze with that guarded expression. He's not smiling and it shouldn't be like that.

And because I can't stand it... and because I'm afraid that he sees the truth... I turn away from him to search for something in my locker. I hear a sigh behind me, hear him walk away from me to get ready for the match.

And all there is left is a faint scent of vanilla and the ache in my chest...


	3. Seth

Hey, guys :) Your encouraging words coddle up my dented self-confidence :3 So, thank you so much!

It gave me some fuel and thus I have the next chapter for you. Hope you'll like this one, too :D

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**Seth's POV**

It is save, watching him now while I am standing on the apron, bouncing, cheering him on to knock Bray Wyatt out and it is a good thing that my mouth works on its own, because my mind is somewhere else. Totally.

The times when I could watch him whenever and wherever I wanted are long over. The way I used to look at him has changed, too... I can't trust myself anymore. How can I ever be sure that he won't see it in my eyes? It is still a mystery to me how it could happen in the first place... falling in love with Roman.

He is my teammate, my friend... my _brother_. And fuck, I even have a girlfriend. Well, had. Not anymore. Couldn't live a lie any longer. So how, why did it happen? It all?

I have no fucking idea...

Fact is, it happened and it makes everything too fucking complicated. I have to be careful with what I say, what I do, how and at which moments I touch him. How I look at him...

While we're out here, it's not a problem. I can jump him, cling to him, touch him and it's safe. But outside the ring I try to keep some distance without other people... and Roman... noticing it. I'm even trying to avoid being alone in a room with him. I know it's not fair, but... I'm scared I'll give it away... my secret.

But maybe he has already noticed something.

For weeks now he's... he... huh... I don't know. It feels like he's avoiding me... in a way. Often he keeps conversations short, has become so much quiter... Yeah, I know, he's the rather quiet type if guy, but he's never been like that towards me. It seems like he doesn't want to have eye contact. There are moments when he smiles at me and it looks perfectly normal to _other_ people, only that _I_ can see that the smile never reaches his eyes. And sometimes, when he thinks I won't notice it, he looks at me in a way so different from how he used to. His eyes... there is an emotion lying in them then. Not angriness. It is heavier, thicker, somewhat dull. Disappointment maybe. Yeah, could be disappointment. Because he found out that his bro has a thing for him.

I know it would be wise to find another girl and forget about him. But I just can't, although I know there is no chance anyway that he could ever feel the same. Roman Reigns the Samoan Superman, straight as an arrow, chick magnet. The funny, caring and mindblowing handsome big guy with the body of a friggin' Greek God and here I stand and there is actually still a tiny part of me hoping he would see me. That he might return my feelings one day. God, I would do anything for him. Give up my job, even risk that my reputation might be torn apart by those people out there who think they know what is right or not.

Silly, stupid me. Only hurting myself.

I miss him. I miss my friend, the one who cared about me 24/7 and shared his life with me like I'm an inherent part of it. God knows how much I loved to be that inherent part, how much I want it to be again. And maybe, just maybe if I manage to lock away what I feel for him and after some time... he let's me be that part again. I just need to be convincing enough.

It's as simple as that, isn't it? Yup, as simple as that...

Tag. Dean climbs through the ropes, heads for Wyatt who's lying somewhere in the ring and it's now that I notice that I have lost track of the match. Roman rolls out of the ring and holds his arm and just when I take a step towards him to check on him, our gazes meet and he looks away immediately. It is enough to stop me dead, because it's like a slap to the face, this tiny reaction. It's getting worse...

How could he ever see me when he's not even looking at me? But in the end it doesn't matter, does it? Because in the end it's better this way.

It takes all my self-control not to look at him, now, that he stands more or less beside me, but from the corner of my eye I can see his face, strained and a few lines of pain around his mouth and I want nothing more than to turn around to him and check on him. But I don't dare to just do it.

Instead I grab the top rope as if my life depends on it as I feel my heart speed up, feel it jump because he's close to me and it's ridiculous because he's only standing there and he's not _close_. Not anymore.

Still there's warmth in my chest, love tugging at my poor little heart when he's as close as he is now, not even an arms-length away. I can't stop it as much as I want to, although it would make it all so much easier. But then I feel this warm and golden thingy deep within me, pristine and perfect and it's making me want to embrace it, drown in it. It's so addictive, this feeling and every single time it's gone... when he's not around me... it's like having withdrawal symptoms. A need, a longing... that ache...

All I want is hide in his arms, being allowed to hold him... and kiss him and taste that beautiful smile of his... say the words...

_I love you. _

Three little, innocent words. Words which can destroy worlds.

There have been moments in which I wanted to say them but it's always been the same. At the last moment I almost choke on those words, swallow them down instead of saying them. Not because it could destroy _my_ world, no, but it is _his_ world I don't want to shatter. And I would. I'm sure. And with it I would shatter that tiny bit that is left of our friendship.

He's side glancing me, leaving me standing here with a bad feeling because I can't read the expression which is dulling his eyes and there is not enough time to find out what that expression is, because Dean is back, tagging Roman in.

My eyes follow him through the ring. Faintly I hear Dean say something to me, but I'm so lost in my thoughts and in staring at Roman, that I don't really hear what it is he's telling me.

Back in the bus today I have watched him while he was asleep. He hasn't looked as if he was sleeping peacefully, more as if he was having bad dreams. His features have been tense and I... there had been times when we fell asleep on the same bunk or the same bed after talking for hours and I don't know how often I woke up with my head on his shoulder or even on his chest with his arm around me. Lavender. His hair smells of lavender and it's so soft... gosh, those touches I stole when he was asleep... It was perfect, all of this. It _felt_ perfect and right and... those arms provide a place to hide away, make me feel so safe and... and home. And I wanted to go over to him and, I don't know, soothe whatever troubles him but I know that if I had crawled onto his bunk, that it wouldn't have ended well. And so all I could do was sitting there and will those troubles out of his dreams...

For a moment my mind comes back to the here and now. A smile tugs at my lips as Roman lands his Superman Punch right on Wyatt's face and it grows as he spears him, neatly wiping him off his feet. I know it's totally silly and maybe even weird, but when he does his roar... like now... I feel parts of me tingle that... okay, it's probably better not to go there right now. Still I can feel it, even more because he's setting for the pin with an arrogant but totally sexy smirk on his face. It thrills me to see him like this, powerful and perfect in what he does. And I keep cheering him on, because it is what I always do. Because... he's my man.

Our eyes meet and for once he's not looking away, yet that _expression_ is still there. It changes though as I climb through the ropes, because Harper heads for Roman and fuck, he's not gonna touch my man! And suddenly it is worry I find there.

And while I run towards Harper to stop him from laying his hands on Roman, I think that it is not fair that only those moment when I get hurt are left to be close to him and how wrong it is that I have reached the point of hoping, waiting for those moments.

So I almost laugh out loud when I feel hands grab me, giving me a free flight over the top rope and the last thing I know before my world blacks out is a certain and odd happiness, because I know that I will wake up to strong arms holding me and worried eyes, maybe not seeing but at least looking at me...


	4. Dean… again

Well, this chapter demands some imagination from you in the end. I told you, it's a bit experimental and I hope you won't be all too disappointed here.

Buuuut... okay, I can't wait until you've read this part. While I wrote this, I decided that it's actually not the last chapter.

One more is about to come and you decide whether it's Roman's or Seth's POV.

Tell me :)

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**Dean's POV**

The match is over and I am standing here, having a déjà vu, because we are in our locker room and one of us is hurt. Like so often. And somehow most of the times it is Seth sitting on the bench, like now, denying that he is in pain even when it is more than obvious that he _is_ and it happens much too often for my taste. And for Roman's, too. Even a blind could see it. It is written in capital letters all over his face. Fortunately it doesn't seem to be serious, yet to Roman it is serious enough to leave him highly alarmed.

Shoving my hands into my pockets, I chew on my bottom lip as I watch the two of them thoughfully. Seth is sitting a bit hunched forward, holding his right side. He has crashed onto it at the end of the match after having been catapulted out of the ring and I am sure if I felt his head now, I would find a huge bump under that halo of hair. For a shockingly long moment he'd been out. Long enough to scare the shit out of me and Roman... well, if it has scared the shit out of me, I don't even want to think about how _he_ must've felt.

But this now... it is so goddamn obvious...

It has been Roman's match, his pin, but while I had been kneeling beside Seth to check on him, I gazed up to Roman briefly and what I had seen there was screaming worry and for a moment I hadn't been sure if he would actually do his job and end the match, would storm out of the ring and over to us instead. He did his job, but I guess the seconds it took until he finally could come over to us must have seemed endless to him. I had been pushed aside a tad too forcefully. I don't mind though, knowing that he actually hasn't done it on purpose.

Seeing him hovering over Seth like a lion, all protective, like he always does in those moments, is an impressive sight. Very. Every time.

The lion is gone now as he kneels there, his hands on Seth's knees while talking at him to see a trainer but being all the stubborn mule Seth refuses to go there. And while Roman looks like he wants to just pull the man in front of him into a sheltering embrace and soothe his troubles away, Seth seems to want nothing more than to latch onto Roman. Yet neither of them does _something_. Stupid. Both. And isn't this annoying and pitiable at the same time? Pushing away from the wall I take a step closer, unnoticed by them, and hunch down.

God knows how much I want to smack their heads this very moment, preferably against each other, because between the worry on Roman's face and pain on Seth's there is the four-lettered word written on both their faces and it would only be more obvious if someone held a blinking billboard over their heads, saying TOTALLY IN LOVE with an arrow pointing down on them.

Clicking my tongue I decide that a) Seth really needs a check up and b) those two blind idiots need a kick and with a sigh I get up, still unnnoticed by them and go over to the door.

„I'm going to get a trainer," I say, gazing back at them and while Seth groans a _fuck, no_ and shakes his head, Roman nods and murmures a _thanks_. „Oh, and guys? I can see it, the whole world can see it. I'm talking about those silly pink candy hearts which bubble all around you when you steal those ridiculously clandestine glances from each other. And don't tell me you don't know what I mean. Do us all a favor and _do something about_ _it_."

Okay, talking about those things isn't my métier and maybe I should have chosen other words, but the mix of surprise and the feeling of being found out on both their faces tells me that they _know_ what I mean.

Biting back a smile I leave without another word and the last thing I see as I step out ot the room, throwing one last glance over my shoulder is them looking at each other. And the realization on their faces.

With that image I make my way to the trainer's room slowly to give them some time to... do something, hoping that the few minutes of being alone will be used properly.

It takes about ten minutes until I am back with a trainer in tow, wondering if this handful of minutes has been enough to change two lifes. And I really hope that I haven't just kicked off the worst case and... no, I don't even want to think about it. The funny thing is, the very second I put my hand onto the doorknob... I feel a certain excitement. And then the door jumps open under my hand.

On the first look nothing has changed. Roman is still kneeling in front of Seth, his hands still resting on the other man's legs, while Seth still sits hunched forward.

It is the second look that reveals the details. Like, that Roman is kneeling closer to Seth now. Or the very much possessive way his fingers are splayed, not resting but holding on to Seth's knees. The fact that one of Seth's hands is lying on one of Roman's, fingers hooked under the big palm, while his other hand has found a place on the big man's vest. The fact that Roman's hair is a bit more tousled than before, while Seth's is smoothed back. The faint blush on Seth's cheeks. The twinkling in both their eyes, the smile on their lips.

I can't help the grin that stretches my lips, because, yup, they _have_ done something about it. Finally. And it has been so very easy... Ridiculously easy. And once more I want to smack their heads together for being so... so blind and dump and stubborn and... whatever.

I don't even feel silly for the happiness I feel for them, bubbling in my chest. Not my style usually, to be all bubbly happiness over something like that and I am glad that the world doesn't see me right now, doesn't know what I am feeling, thinking. It would destroy my image. Like, really.

Stepping aside, I let the trainer pass to do his job and resume my place at the wall, leaning against it. My grin grows a little as I watch Roman move to sit beside Seth, their hand's staying joined as he does and it is actually... I can't believe I'm really thinking this... it is overly _cute_ to watch them beaming at each other in, yes, love, for once not hidden, not restraint, although the trainer is around. Well, the man turns around to get something from his bag and Roman leans in as if he wants to whisper something in Seth's ear and... A kiss. He kisses him on the temple. And Seth smiles and Roman smiles and... Okay, I know that Seth is a tail-wagging little puppy, no news there, but Roman...? Wonderful, now I got a tail-wagging and very big puppy, too.

Jeebus, the whole scene is too corny, really...

As the trainer tells Seth to take his gear off, Roman helps him peeling out of it and it is my sign to hit the shower.

Roman peeling Seth out of his clothes... with a smile on his lips that makes girls losing their panties. Probably Seth, too. Snorting at myself I try to stop the sudden mental cinema, playing an all too vivid movie in my mind I haven't payed for and think that _maybe_ I should get myself a single room for the night. For the sake of them. And really, as much as I love those two lovesick idiots and no matter how happy I am for them... I don't need a private show tonight, because I doubt that they will keep their hands off each other.

Faintly I hear Roman's rumbling, low voice. I can't understand was he's saying, but from the way it sounds I'm sure it is something that makes Seth's face light up in happiness.

Once more I feel a smile stretch my lips as I step under the hot water, thinking that now the world is exactly how it should be...


	5. Behind the closed door

I'm sorry that it took me a while longer than I had actually planned, but here is the last part to Insight. I hope that you'll enjoy this chapter.

Let me know if you do ;)

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My side is screaming pain and no matter how I try to sit, it just won't lessen. It will though in a few hours. No need to see a trainer, they'll only keep me there unnecessarily long or send me to a fucking hospital and no way, I'm not gonna go to a hospital. It's a fucking bruise, nothing more and nothing less.

Roman... always worried Roman, trying to talk me into going to a trainer for a check-up. He's looking at me now, has when I came around lying beside the ring. Those beautiful eyes looking at me, finally, after what felt like a hundred of years as he checked on me, saying my name in deepest worry. The one that is still lingering in his eyes. And I wish... I wish that the note of affection I have heard mingling into the worry wasn't just wishful thinking. I can still feel his hand cradling my head, my face and those strong arms wrapped around me to help me walk to the locker room.

Those hands are now resting on my knees, warm and soothing, begging in a way, and all I wish for is that he would lay a hand on my aching side, because I know it would take the pain away. I want those arms around me, want to hide away in them. But there's nothing like that and I'm telling myself to be content with him kneeling so close to me, being worried. Touching me, looking at me. Being there.

He's there, I repeat silently. He's there.

I almost feel guilty, because despite the fact that I'm not up for spending my night at the trainer's room or a hospital, there's also a dark part of me that refuses to let someone have a look, because as long as I'm here, aching, being stubborn, I know Roman isn't going to leave my side. And if hurting means to have him close, then I'll be damned to make the pain go away.

God, I'm really pitiable...

I allow my eyes to seek his and... soft. They are deep and he's looking at me with that wonderful soft expression which always makes me wonder how it must be like if he looks at someone he's in love with. I catch myself as I lean forward a bit, drawn in by those eyes and cover it with a quiet groan, dipping my head forward and the tears which rise in my eyes aren't only from the pain I feel in my side, but also from the one that blazes in my heart.

And then he whispers my name and the tears burn a little hotter in my eyes...

It is Dean's voice that cuts into the moment, because I have totally forgotten about him being here, too, and he's saying that he'll go get a trainer.

„Fuck, no," I groan, but I know he'll go, no matter what I want or not.

And he'll take Roman away from be by doing it.

I faintly hear Roman murmur a _thanks_. I know he just wants to hear someone say that I'm okay and I almost laugh at how contradictory this is. Here he is, being worried about me when he usually doesn't want to even look at me?

And then Dean speaks again and... it feels like my world shatters to pieces.

„Oh, and guys? I can see it, the whole world can see it. I'm talking about those silly pink candy hearts which bubble all around you when you steal those ridiculously clandestine glances from each other. And don't tell me you don't know what I mean. Do us all a favor and _do something about_ _it_."

I can't breathe. My heart stops and for a painful moment I'm sure it won't start beating again. Dean knows it. _He knows it_. And he's said it aloud, has revealed my carefully hidden secret... Panic rears suddenly, wiping any pain aside and dizziness and heavy sickness hits me full force and all I want is to run away from here, from this... I don't want to see Roman look at me in disgust, I don't want to see the look of feeling utterly betrayed on his face. I couldn't bear if he hates me.

A naive part of me prays, begs that this is just a bad dream, one of those nightmares when you wake up the last possible moment. But I don't wake up. And I know that this is all too real to be only a dream.

I'm gonna lose him... I'm gonna... lose him...

And then... something sinks into my panicked mind. Dean hasn't spoken to just me, but to both of us. I blink. And can't believe it. I'm not sure if I really want to see the look on Roman's face, but I can't not look at him and so I hesitantly meet his eyes again.

The expression I find on his face causes my heart to sink. There is realization and underneath a mixture of shock, surprise and I fear that Dean has _not_ said it to both of us, that I have only imagined it. And I want to gaze away again, but I can't. I can't...

It is out now. Dean has ripped it's cover away, has bared that what I feel for Roman has become more. The desperate part of me clings to the tiniest of chances that Roman... might feel the same. Maybe, just maybe... But the sober part of me keeps saying that there is no chance.

Romans says nothing and it scares me. He just looks at me with this expression I can read yet not. He also doesn't move, kneels there like being frozen. And maybe he is too shocked to move, because he tries to understand that his friend has a thing for him.

And this very moment I wish my heart would really stop beating. Forever...

We're alone in the room now and the quietness is heavy, my panic and fear suffocating and I know there's not much I can do but run away... or go through the door Dean has kicked open.

But running away isn't an option for me. I never has been. And so I keep trying to breathe as I do what I always do. I face my fear. Holding his gaze I try to sit a bit straighter, try to square my shoulders, although it makes the pain in my side worse. I don't care. If this goes wrong... there's nothing I care for left anyway.

„I love you," I say then, willing my voice not to fail me, although it is far from being as steady as I want it to be.

There, I said it. My heart pounds so hard now that it's squeezing all the breath out of me and I feel like passing out any second. Something shifts in Roman's eyes, something I can't grasp and his hold on my knees becomes tighter, but nothing else changes. He kneeling there like a still life. I know that my eyes are pleading him to do _something_. But he does nothing.

„Can you please say something?"

It's only a whisper, because this time my voice fails me. He closes his eyes then, dips his head a bit forward and I can see his jaw muscles jump. I can't stand the sight any longer and so I close my eyes, too, waiting for whatever would happen. After what feels like a little eternity but might only have been a second, I hear him move, feel his hands vanish from my knees and I'm sure he'll leave now.

There is a touch on my face. Almost shy at the beginning and once again I fear that it's only my imagination, but it's not. Warm hands cup my jaw and thumbs brush so tenderly over my cheeks that I want to cry.

„Seth?" he says just above a whisper. „Look at me. Please."

My heart clenches as I slowly open my eyes. And it clenches once again as I find... a tear... on Roman's face.

It shouldn't be there, that tear, staining his beautiful face. My hand moves before I know what I am doing, reaches out to him to wipe the tear away and my poor heart stubles in my chest as he turns his face into the contact.

And then his hands dive into my hair as he leans in, gently tugging me closer and... he kisses me. His lips cover mine firmly, lips that are so much softer than I would ever have imagined them to be, and I can feel a soft touch on my bottom lip as his tongue travels over it, asking for permission. For a second I'm sure I'm dreaming... but I am not. This is Roman, kissing me.

It's odd that my heart calms down now, but it does. The pain, it is wiped away, and with it all those bad feelings fade, leaving only a faint memory of a bad dream behind.

With a sigh I open up for him, feeling him hum in response as our tongues meet in a shy dance, all soft stroking, slow and addictive. His kiss, it is sweet and innocent, loving and so infinitely tender that I forget how to breathe... It's freeing a tingle in my belly, sends a jolt through me and leaves a sweet ache in my chest behind that grows as his hands smooth over my hair to the back of my head to cradle it, to hold me even closer. That golden an pristine feeling I have for him, the love, it flares until it's ablaze, bright and sparkling and it's spreading throughout my chest, throughout my whole body and it makes me forget about everything.

All there is... is this man.

With a tiny sound, something between a moan and a sob, I bring my hands up and bury them in the black mane I craved to touch like this for so long now that it feels like a whole lifetime. It feels like velvet between my fingers, so perfect.

I feel him inch closer to me as he deepens the kiss even more. In it lies a longing that I know, the one I have felt for so long myself. I let myself fall, surrender to him because I know he's there to catch me.

There is a dull burning in my lungs at the lack of air, but fuck, I don't care. I don't want this kiss to end.

One of his hands brushes down over my neck and my chest, settling on my sore side, reminding my body that it should hurt, but before the pain can come back, his touch soothes it away. I knew that his touch can do that...

Eventually we have to part and with a smile on his lips that makes my body hum and my heart sing, he looks at me in undisguised... love. If I had a breath left, he would take it right out of me now. The grey eyes are sparkling silver now, deep and intense, not only looking at me, but _seeing_ me and I can do nothing but gaze into those mezmerizing orbs. So beautiful...

Closing his eyes he rests his forehead against mine. I feel fingertips trail over my cheek with the tenderest of touches, before I feel the hand on my knee and I can't help myself, I allow mine to rest on it, hooking my fingers under the big palm, while my other hand finds a hold on his vest to keep him close.

„I love you, too," he breathes then.

The words engulf me like a cocoon. I want to cry, I want to laugh and I want this moment to never end. This moment now, it is perfection.

A desperate little sigh drops from my lips as I hear voices coming from the closed door, but Roman steals that sigh away with a soft kiss, before he sits back on his heels. His other hand leaves my sore side and settles on my knee just as the door opens, revealing Dean with one of the trainer's in tow.

I look up to my teammate who is gazing at us with a special happiness glinting in his eyes which I haven't seen there before and I don't know how to thank him for what he has done.

The trainer kneels down in front of me and immediately starts his check-up. I don't care, because Roman sits down beside me and as the man turns away from us for a moment, I feel a kiss being breathed to my temple.

Peace and joy settle over me as Roman keeps holding my hand and if the past minutes have been a taste of our life together, then I can only say that my life... it has just begun...


End file.
